The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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