in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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