Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
