shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
My cat gives me a boner
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
