my room smells like sperm. sweet.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
