I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Randomize
