I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
