i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
