We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
