Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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