The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
