Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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