the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
