Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
