you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
