Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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