that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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