So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
