Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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