So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize