He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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