If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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