I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
