dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
false alarm. still invincible.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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