She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
