and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
