cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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