That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
