"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
