Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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