My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
