even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
