I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
