I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
