go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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