he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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