I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize