i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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