ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
