His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
