so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
