I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
