Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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