Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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