problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
