So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
