shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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