It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
