I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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