Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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