"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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