Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
MIDGETS
????
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
