dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I supernannyed him into submission
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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