Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
