i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
