Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
