well you can't waste a boner
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize