Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
