I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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