tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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