For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
