dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
