I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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