Can i not drive my cunt home
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
