Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
It all started with a game of naked twister.
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