But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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