dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
