i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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