Everything about him screamed your future.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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