is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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