Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
