im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I just want to make out with him forever
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
