I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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