I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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