there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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