He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
