My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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