Non-Jews are for practice
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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