I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
